Ten Positive Ways to Deal with a Negative Boss

            Do you dread going to your job most days?  Is your place of employment a blessing in every way but one—how your boss treats you?  I was in such a situation several years ago.  As a volunteer coordinator for a nonprofit, my job was a good fit for my encouragement and teaching skills, the health and retirement benefits were fair, and I enjoyed working for a worthwhile cause.  After 11 years of working with a supervisor who recognized and appreciated my efforts, a younger, less experienced woman took her place. My new boss was unable to say or see anything positive related to my work or the program I managed.   I felt invisible in team meetings as my questions and ideas were ignored. After almost 3 years of being disrespected and penalized, God opened a door for me to leave that stress.

            Since that time I have talked with women who are under similar psychological harassment, but do not have to option to find another source of income.  If you are unable or don’t want to leave your job, here are some suggestions for coping with a negative supervisor:   

 

1.    1.   Walk before you talk.  When your boss sets up one of those “see me in my office at 2 today” meetings and you have no clue what issue(s) will be brought up, take a hike.  A brisk walk, especially outside, will rejuvenate you enough to attempt optimism.

2.     2.  Make after-work goals.  What can you look forward to doing at the end of your work day?  Will your pet be happy to see you? Can you use your cooking skills to create something delicious?  What (legal and healthy) things help you relax? If the end of the day is too many hours away, can you enjoy a brisk walk outside at break time?  (If smokers can go outside to distress, why can’t nonsmokers?) And for those “walking on eggs” super stressful days and weeks—start planning a rewarding vacation.  Put some dream vacation destination pictures up at your workplace, to encourage you to keep on keeping on.  

3.     3.  Find a way to (gulp) honesty compliment her. This may be one of the courageous actions to be undertaken by an employee, especially one who is convinced her name is on the boss’ you-know-what (and it ain’t pretty) list.  You need a keen sense of observation to note something new and possibly attractive in your boss’ appearance or behavior. “Wow, I have to compliment your one handed texting skill. “  Make sure your comment doesn’t sound like it is merely an attempt to find out if she really does have a good side to get on. “ Are you wearing contacts or are your eyes really that brilliant of a blue?”

4.    4.   Nominate him for an award or contest.  Check with the Chamber of Commerce, ask your reference librarian and watch local news sources for organizations that give awards or recognition for some talent your boss has or volunteer work they have done for more than 45 minutes.  If you are shy, (or worried about retaliation) ask that your nomination be kept anonymous. Unfortunately, a “making employees’ lives miserable” contest is not currently available.

5.    5.   Consider his behavior may be due to a tragic personal life.  Even if you know otherwise, pretending that his parents raised him on a diet of highly processed snacks and violent videogames might help you have patience for his aggression and negativity in the workplace. Or maybe his cat died. 

6.    6.  Is it a personality clash? Maybe he’s an introvert and you’re an extrovert.  Maybe you are a middle child, ESTJ, English major, and your boss is a first born, perfectionist, INTP, math major.  Those personalities working together are like using a skill saw: you need to follow safety rules and proceed with caution. 

7.    7.   Use the boss’ preferred mode of communication.  Does your boss prefer face to face conversation? Take notes and read them back:  “Am I understanding you to say that you think I said…?” Does she want you to respond to her emails immediately?  With practice you can talk effectively on the phone with a client while you type her ASAP request.  Even if you feel a bit silly emailing her computer which is in the next room, a paper trail is more easily used for fault-finding evidence.

8.     8.  Observe how others relate to your boss. Does your coworker wait until your supervisor finishes his morning Expresso Macchiato before approaching certain topics?  Will your boss’ reaction to a question or suggestion more likely to be positive if her supervisor is also hearing the conversation?  Make sure to coordinate “bosses day/birthday/anniversary” recognition with others at your work place.  Investigate what is regarded as the norm for gifts, cards, or bringing treats. Overdoing these traditions may look like bribery attempts, and under-doing, or worse yet, not doing anything for your employer’s special occasion, may be long remembered.

9.    9.   Don’t take it personally. If you are a compassionate, sensitive, unselfish and humble person like me, this “rule” is the toughest to follow.   Your boss may follow the cast management system: keep them in their place, and don’t praise (or they may expect a raise.)  Perhaps your supervisor is having difficulties in their life and you just happen to be today’s target for their frustrations.   (Think of the stress they have deciding how to spend their salary!) Try to ignore insinuations that you haven’t accomplished something better or faster. Remember: winning by being defensive only works in sports.

1  10.  Ask what can be done.   If your job situation has a negative impact on your mental or physical health, you need to address the problem ASAP.  Ask your boss what you can do to improve your working relationship. Ask a friend or counselor for coping suggestions.  Don’t quit, even if he suggest it, as you will not be illegible for unemployment.

        Let me know if you try any of the above, and the results.  I can relate to what you are going through, and hope for your less stress success!