Some Days Are Worse Than Others

As a public service to all my dedicated blog readers, I thought I'd share what I endured today.  Spoiler alert for those with extra-compassionate hearts: have some tissues nearby.

First off, let me explain a little about living in a (kids are gone) empty nest.  The adjustment to doing substantially less laundry, the shock of having more than enough food in the house, and having 24/7 access to my own car has been a difficult transition.  The heartbreak of not seeing my children’s faces in the continual glow of their keyboards brings a tear. The house that once echoed with loud sibling arguments and heavy metal music, now reverberates with Yanni forlornness.  If the last of your descendants are scheduled to move out soon, you might want to prepare yourself for a monumental change.  In realizing your parenting purpose is over, you need to reinvent yourself. With prayers and help from friends who have survived this evolution, you’ll learn to spend money on yourself, and do activities only you enjoy. Eventually, this can be accomplished without guilt! Just like withdrawal from any addiction, this process will take time and commitment.  Although I do have relapses lasting from minutes to months, I have been on the self-serving wagon for almost 6 years.

I need to admit to some backsliding.  Today was one of those very tough days that an underemployed free-lance, unprofessional author must sometimes endure. No, I’m not referring to writers block, but it did prevent my usual me-first routines.

My stupid bed was so warm this morning, with the pillows supporting my back and legs just right.  Mara jumped on my chest and purred a request for a head massage—how could I deny that?  (Mara is my cat, by the way.) Eventually my bladder encouraged a new alertness.  The clock told me I had already missed my senior center yoga class.  So I stretched my limbs into clean clothes, outlined my eyes and attempted to cover several age spots.  Yes it’s true I put the oatmeal in the microwave and forgot about it until supper time.  But I’m getting ahead of my story.

Next, I drove to a local downtown restaurant to meet a birthday-celebrating friend, who happens to be my son’s favorite mother-in-law (got that?). Since the place was 10 minutes away I was only 8 minutes late.  Carol and I enjoyed coffee and brunch and chatting and coffee and talking about our kids, which made me miss them.  Bummer, but some times that happens.  After the waitress said they were about to close, we walked through the art museum nearby.  There we admired a painting of an asparagus plant, which we agreed her daughter would love, and could probably draw just as well. Thinking of Abbey made me think of my lucky son (that married her) and I’m off the wagon again.

                                                                          

At 2:00 there was my hair and glamour appointment at MegaStyles. Did you know good hairstylists are therapists for empty nesters and other life changes?   A session is less expensive than a psychologist’s, and you come out feeling prettier inside and out. (I’ve heard some people get similar results from bartenders, dependent on what’s on tap.) Megan did an excellent job on my hair, but did she have to ask what my kids where doing? Of course I quickly switched the subject to my activities and world view, which led to a more interesting, relatable conversation.    

             

Perhaps it is hard to believe, but I did have to endure another restaurant outing this very afternoon. Marlene and I had celebrated her (?? unknown age) birthday last weekend with our husbands, and she was throwing an all-girls party tomorrow evening.  However, someone had the big idea to treat her to a late lunch today also.  The guilt from neglecting my housework, writing projects, elderly parents and the husband, increased with each margarita.  I knew I had to stop the torture and eat the lime. Enough putting others first!   I drove home and collapsed on the couch while I let Bob (the husband) make supper.  It had been two whole hours since my stomach had received nourishment and it growled complaints.

Dear soon-to-be empty nesters; not all childless days will be this difficult to endure. As with anything new, at first you will probably resist, feeling unbalanced, like something is missing.  Then, when you find out the missing piece is YOU, the puzzle becomes a bigger picture that puts your heart at ease.  After all, God does call you his work of art. *

*Ephesians 2:10