Empty Nest Empathy

 

When you hear the phrase “empty nest” what picture comes to your mind?  Do you see a determined eagle shoving her baby over a nest edge, then scooped up to safety with her own wings?  Or might you imagine your dream home bereft of Barbie and Lego-covered floors, quiet in place of perpetual washing machine whirling, and a kitchen void of continuous food chores?  

If you are in the midst of child-raising adventures, are you dreading or will you be celebrating when your kiddos leave home? If your children have already stepped over the welcome mat to independence, how are the adjustments going?

In the book, Barbara & Susan’s Guide to Empty Nest, authors Rainey and Yates address the loneliness, disappointments, and new ways of relating to your loved ones in this transitional season of life.  Susan writes, “I hate bare rooms… I see one discarded, old blue prom dress in the closet. It’s way out of style. It hangs there lonely, out of place as if to say, ‘Where are all the others? I don’t belong here all alone.’ Just the way I feel. My life was like what that closet used to be. So crammed, so full, great diversity, comings and goings, openings and shutting doors, happy voices, phones ringing. And now it’s quiet. Too quiet.”

Perhaps because I was blessed to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) during baby years and worked only part time hours after, the intensity of empty nest grief surprised me. Feeling emotionally numb, I was almost physically unable to walk away when dropping off my daughter at (a far away) college.  It didn’t seem fair that just when a child and parent had become close friends (after tumultuous teen years), it was time for their departure.

“Moving into the empty-next season is often an awkward transition. Like a coming storm, this unsettled time in life brings suitable conditions for conflict and misunderstand. Why? Transition makes us vulnerable and irritable.” (Barbara & Susan’s Guide to Empty Nest)

I have to admit experiencing both of those not-so-pretty “vulnerable and irritable” feelings. Was part of my problem a lack of preparation?  For new employment, I learned as much as I could about the job beforehand, and talked to people in similar roles.  Before taking a major vacation, I read travel guides, and watched YouTube commentaries on dos and don’ts. Ignoring any empty nest forethought, I thought my maternal instincts would smooth out new situations, as it had in the past. 

In the life-stage called empty nest, will I be devastated or at my best?

God gave me children and promised to be, guiding and encouraging when it’s ‘just me.’

 

Empty nest is much more than a transition; it’s a refinement of self, a clarifying of God’s new purposes. I will always be mom, but parenting won’t make up most of my identity, as it once did. How does one prepare for a life change of such dramatic proportions? Reading recommended Christian books by empty-nesters (such as the one quoted here) is an excellent start.  Consulting with faith-filled mentors and confidants who’ve “been there, done that” blesses the coping process. 

Thankfully, God is in the miracle business. He gives parents personally-designed children, and instills faith through Word and baptism.  In every season of life, Jesus graces his followers with the holy purpose of kingdom work.  We can count on his promise to keep those miracles growing!

 But the Lord’s mercy is from eternity to eternity, over those who fear him,
and his righteousness is with their children’s children. Psalm 103:17  (EHV )

Maybe God encourages our babies leave the nest for our own growth, as much as theirs!