Winter Wonderings

 

My life is continual learning, but no applying.

Organizing and starting, but no impetus toward a finish line.

Forcing myself to do, to move. I know all the healthy reasons. Yet where is motivation?

Calling, texting, inviting friends. Yet, I can’t shake the continual dread of loneliness.

God is love, in control. Keeps me safe spiritually and eternally I know. Why can’t I rest and find joy in this truth?

I keep looking around corners to find good news. When will some come?

How long until a good talk with my son, a game with my granddaughter? Where is fun?

DO I need to take risks and seek adventures I feel too old or ill equipped to take?

And what of friends who half-listen, then repeat stories of how their problems were solved?

“You should do the same, Sue. You’re to blame for the situation.”

Why am I the only one suggesting coffee dates and game nights?  SO many texts not responded to. What does that mean?

All people have a myriad of relationship hurts, health problems, losses or all three.

That’s why we trust God so much more.

I don’t always hear the comfort, I can’t always listen or let it in.

Is it stress plus grief. I thought I’d handle both so easily.

Am I the victim or the perp? Maybe each at different times. 

How do I know when and how to rightly react?

Thank you God for listening to my rant.

Projects and accomplishments are meaningless when compared to eternity.

Entertainment passes the time, distracts. A movie can tell the truth and change a mindset.

DO not react, engage,  or personalize, the counselor advises.

How can I not, when this is what a woman does?